Dealing with disappointment

A first frequently occurring restraining thought is: ‘I must say yes, if not, the other person will be disappointed. ‘

The consequence of this inhibiting thought is that you always say yes, even if it does not fit you, to avoid disappointment with the other person. As a result, you can overburden yourself and have an increased risk of burnout.

To avoid burnout and overload it is important to learn to say NO when necessary.

That’s why it is important you have no restraining but realistic and factual thoughts about saying NO.

This realistic idea is that it’s normal and logical that the other person is disappointed if he / she hears a no, otherwise he /she would not ask the question. Disappointment with the other person is the possible price you pay if you say no. Disappointing others, however, is a normal and necessary part of life. After all, if you want to avoid disappointment, it means that you have to say yes to every question. This means your life is only determined by the wishes of others. Sometimes people are worried that the other person will not cooperate with them as easily, if they do not say yes. This is possible but unlikely, if you make it clear why you cannot do something. If it does happen, you can make it clear in a conflict-resolving conversation, that you cannot always meet the other person’s wishes.

In the next lesson we will show you how to deal with unreasonable demands from the other by
conducting a conflict-solving conversation.