How can I learn to say NO

To learn to say no, it is important that:

1. You recognize your inhibiting feelings (fear, guilt, etc.) and thoughts (I) when they emerge.
2. You are prepared to endure these obstructive thoughts and feelings while you say no.

These impeding thoughts and feelings will continue for a while, but will gradually decrease if you frequently say no when necessary. The reason that these impeding feelings and thoughts decrease is called extinction.

Extinguishing (Scientific term: Extinction) is a psychoneurological phenomenon that has been extensively demonstrated.

The speed with which you take away restrictive thoughts and feelings depends on the amount (frequency) you repeat your new behavior (saying NO when this is necessary). For example, posing the new behavior every day will cause a considerable improvement (extinction) in three weeks time. On the other hand you will notice a much slower improvement, if you only set your new behavior once a week. Mind you, it is important to consistently maintain this behavior (saying no EVERY time when it is necessary). For example, if you alternate your new behavior with your old behavior (do not say no (dare to) when necessary) there will be no or limited improvement.

Of course it’s also important that you have the skills to say no. You can learn how to do this effectively in the next screen.